There once was a time when being a dead 'freedom fighter' was at least romantic. Che Guevera was captured by 1800 Bolivian troops (backed up by Green Berets and the CIA) before a Hollywood style execution in a remote mud hut. Sound messy? Not a good day for sure - but a lot better than having your car blown up by a US drone launched missile in some Yemeni backwater. Anwar al-Awlaki had no time for last immortal words or a brave warrior's death. One minute he was just sitting in his car dreaming of those California prostitutes he once coveted - the next moment he was meeting his 72 untalented virgins! It is a fate shared by at least four others on the FBI terrorist list - plus al-Awlaki's American buddy Samir Khan who is now literally 'one' with his dead al Qaeda leader. Even Bin Laden didn't fare much better. Shot by Navy Seals while all wrapped up in his blankie watching TV - he was then dumped into Sponge Bob Land where it is hard to build lasting memorials.
Terrorist Central really needs to get on top of this issue. It is very difficult to achieve immortal martyrdom when your brains are splattered all over the leather seats of your Land Rover. Every movie fan knows that the bad guys are supposed to get a big send off - like Dr evil drifting off into space, or Bonnie and Clyde's bullet riddled corpses twitching in the dirt. It seems so unfair to rise all the way to the top of the FBI list - only to go out with so little glory. Steel reinforced turbans might at least keep the gray matter intact long enough for a death bed video clip. A floating turban with a built in GPS locater might also be a good plan if you've pissed off the navy and want your body recovered for blessed burial.
It is a real shame that an American boy who rose to the top of his profession should be turned into pea soup by his own government. After all, the 2.0 'You-Tube' terrorist revolutionized the whole business of slaughtering innocents and even invented the 'underwear bomb'. Ron Paul and the ACLU have already condemned the al-Awlaki 'assassination', though they seem to be more worried about the fact that Americans killing Americans without a trial sets a dangerous precedent. Perhaps Ron Paul is getting a little nervous about driving around Texas?
What will Hollywood do when the time comes to tell the al-Awlaki story? No romantic Butch Cassidy shoot-out - just a little kidding around with Sammy, then poof the lights go out? Of course the truth has never stopped the movie moguls from working their immortal magic. Andy and Sammy will likely be chased between the sand dunes by the ever closing missile, evading it for several minutes before a last ditch AK-47 attempt at close-in defense.
There is clearly a plot afoot to take the glory out of terrorism, but it is eventually doomed to failure. The truth stands no chance of immortality when illusion is so much more entertaining. Stay tuned for the 'Andy and Sammy Saga' at a theatre near you!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Nice Guy Blues
Do you ever get tired of always being the nice guy?
Last week, Iran's Ahmadinejad went to the UN and told the world that 9/11 and the holocaust were just western propaganda - meanwhile the American Islamic community opened a new center right near ground zero in Manhattan. What is wrong with this picture? Can we now open a Hooter's in Tehran?
Nut Job is also threatening to execute a Christian pastor in Iran who won't deny his faith and churches in China are closing faster than brothels in the Vatican. The people in a small Tennessee town also want to prevent a new Mega-Mosque on the corner, but most of the media - except maybe Fox- has already decided they are prejudiced and hateful rednecks? Nut Job's neck must be turning royal purple!
You don't even have to go the Middle East or China to get laughed at these days. Millions of illegals from Central America are in the US. We cry about their rights on a daily basis, but when we occasionally deport a few - just paint us cruel and unjust! I lived in that part of the world for many years. Believe me - let your visa expire and get caught in a police road block (or just try to fly home!) and you go directly to jail! Even worse, there is no free flight and if you care to eat, your friends better bring your MacDonald's to the cell. Only when you or yours finally pay your return freight will you finally get deported. Still, at least they don't ask for a million in 'bail' like Iran!
Another one that always mystifies me. When western women travel to most countries in Asia or Africa they are expected to dress 'modestly' to avoid offending the locals. I hate to agree with the French (who banned burkas on security grounds), but I find burkas rather ominous and threatening. Who knows what lies in those hidden folds - perhaps we should make their women all wear bikinis so we know they aren't toting any bombs?
Amnesty International will also tell you that half the world tortures and imprisons people on a regular basis - yet we go through 'loop de loops' trying to justify a little water boarding to catch the people responsible for 9/11. What would the Saudi's do to me if I blew up Mecca - or the Chinese if I took out Beijing? I suspect that water boarding would not even be on the play list!
This list could go on and on, but I really am not suggesting that we should wallow in the mire and do unto others before they do unto us . However, a little creative role playing sure would be fun! It would almost be worth electing Michelle Bachmann if she would just walk into the UN and claim that the Koran is satanic! She would also likely go along with billing the Central American countries for repatriating their nationals, ban oriental 'occultism', and force the Saudi's to let their women drive. Last week she even suggested that idiots like Chavez and Ahmadinejad should not be allowed to enter the US to spout off at the UN!.
The only problem is she wouldn't be role playing. And who knows what else she might ban? Guess that might kind of ruin the fun of a little righteous payback.
Last week, Iran's Ahmadinejad went to the UN and told the world that 9/11 and the holocaust were just western propaganda - meanwhile the American Islamic community opened a new center right near ground zero in Manhattan. What is wrong with this picture? Can we now open a Hooter's in Tehran?
Nut Job is also threatening to execute a Christian pastor in Iran who won't deny his faith and churches in China are closing faster than brothels in the Vatican. The people in a small Tennessee town also want to prevent a new Mega-Mosque on the corner, but most of the media - except maybe Fox- has already decided they are prejudiced and hateful rednecks? Nut Job's neck must be turning royal purple!
You don't even have to go the Middle East or China to get laughed at these days. Millions of illegals from Central America are in the US. We cry about their rights on a daily basis, but when we occasionally deport a few - just paint us cruel and unjust! I lived in that part of the world for many years. Believe me - let your visa expire and get caught in a police road block (or just try to fly home!) and you go directly to jail! Even worse, there is no free flight and if you care to eat, your friends better bring your MacDonald's to the cell. Only when you or yours finally pay your return freight will you finally get deported. Still, at least they don't ask for a million in 'bail' like Iran!
Another one that always mystifies me. When western women travel to most countries in Asia or Africa they are expected to dress 'modestly' to avoid offending the locals. I hate to agree with the French (who banned burkas on security grounds), but I find burkas rather ominous and threatening. Who knows what lies in those hidden folds - perhaps we should make their women all wear bikinis so we know they aren't toting any bombs?
Amnesty International will also tell you that half the world tortures and imprisons people on a regular basis - yet we go through 'loop de loops' trying to justify a little water boarding to catch the people responsible for 9/11. What would the Saudi's do to me if I blew up Mecca - or the Chinese if I took out Beijing? I suspect that water boarding would not even be on the play list!
This list could go on and on, but I really am not suggesting that we should wallow in the mire and do unto others before they do unto us . However, a little creative role playing sure would be fun! It would almost be worth electing Michelle Bachmann if she would just walk into the UN and claim that the Koran is satanic! She would also likely go along with billing the Central American countries for repatriating their nationals, ban oriental 'occultism', and force the Saudi's to let their women drive. Last week she even suggested that idiots like Chavez and Ahmadinejad should not be allowed to enter the US to spout off at the UN!.
The only problem is she wouldn't be role playing. And who knows what else she might ban? Guess that might kind of ruin the fun of a little righteous payback.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
When in doubt say nothing loudly!
There really is no need to listen to either side in the Washington sideshow these days. Before the politicos even step on stage, we already know what sound byte will soon be blowing in the wind.
The GOP are now like tent preachers always hammering out the same tired sermons. Who isn't tired of hearing about how we will soon be resurrected in a new land of Milk Buds and Honey Nuts if we just keep the faith and follow the five new commandments. The Road to Salvation is simple, just give up our sinful addiction to spending, bow down to Wall Street and renounce taxation, shrink government to the size of Boehner's heart, allow the holy free enterprise system to rape and pillage the universe, and repeal every other rule passed since the old 10 Commandments were first broken.
In the next ring, Obama's Economic Flying Circus also continues to bark nothing of substance as loudly as possible. Every high wire performance necessarily spins off the 'middle class' about as often as the debt rises by another nickel. These guys also do a trapeze 'jobs act' that keeps going back and forth but can never quite land. Still, it is hilarious when the clown tries to be the big adult in the room - despite his petulant rants and his plans to pay for a hamburger today by buying more burgers every time he circles that stimulating merry-go-round.
My mother used to say 'if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all'. Now for these stooges to say something 'nice' is clearly asking too much given the current State of the Show, but can't they at least crack a few new jokes on occasion? It seems like all we are getting is old Monte Python re-runs. Where are all the new routines that will restore the great "American Pie Review' to it's place of glory as the most annoyingly proud act in the history of showbiz?
The sad truth is that American Pie is actually not going on! All three rings may be full of tricks and treats, but nobody is paying and the barkers are rasping louder and more desperate every day! Other than The Amazing Donald suggesting we beat up China and win back the title (very interesting, but probably stupid), no one else seems to have any idea how to fill up the bleachers and pay the baker for trillions of cream pies!
Personally, I blame those wily old showmen Nixon and Reagan for the current blackout under the big top! Nixon invited China to the circus to open up new markets for Show USA... you were a real comedian, Tricky Dickie! Later, Ronald tripped up the Moscow Circus and ended the War of The Rings, a rather nice little act which had kept the pie wars cooler and the ticket booth busy for almost half a century! Now every two bit act wants a piece of that classic American show, and horror of horrors, while we were busy dropping our piggy bank on the poor old snake charmer's head, the Chinese Opera raided the cookie jar and stole all our competitive brownies.
Perhaps, the only really new thing to say is 'HELP'! The new middle class is now all performing for big business shows in China or at your local MacDonald's. That is the new reality show no one wants to talk about! Oh well, circuses and tent preachers may not make us rich again, but they do make the news cycle a little more entertaining!
The GOP are now like tent preachers always hammering out the same tired sermons. Who isn't tired of hearing about how we will soon be resurrected in a new land of Milk Buds and Honey Nuts if we just keep the faith and follow the five new commandments. The Road to Salvation is simple, just give up our sinful addiction to spending, bow down to Wall Street and renounce taxation, shrink government to the size of Boehner's heart, allow the holy free enterprise system to rape and pillage the universe, and repeal every other rule passed since the old 10 Commandments were first broken.
In the next ring, Obama's Economic Flying Circus also continues to bark nothing of substance as loudly as possible. Every high wire performance necessarily spins off the 'middle class' about as often as the debt rises by another nickel. These guys also do a trapeze 'jobs act' that keeps going back and forth but can never quite land. Still, it is hilarious when the clown tries to be the big adult in the room - despite his petulant rants and his plans to pay for a hamburger today by buying more burgers every time he circles that stimulating merry-go-round.
My mother used to say 'if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all'. Now for these stooges to say something 'nice' is clearly asking too much given the current State of the Show, but can't they at least crack a few new jokes on occasion? It seems like all we are getting is old Monte Python re-runs. Where are all the new routines that will restore the great "American Pie Review' to it's place of glory as the most annoyingly proud act in the history of showbiz?
The sad truth is that American Pie is actually not going on! All three rings may be full of tricks and treats, but nobody is paying and the barkers are rasping louder and more desperate every day! Other than The Amazing Donald suggesting we beat up China and win back the title (very interesting, but probably stupid), no one else seems to have any idea how to fill up the bleachers and pay the baker for trillions of cream pies!
Personally, I blame those wily old showmen Nixon and Reagan for the current blackout under the big top! Nixon invited China to the circus to open up new markets for Show USA... you were a real comedian, Tricky Dickie! Later, Ronald tripped up the Moscow Circus and ended the War of The Rings, a rather nice little act which had kept the pie wars cooler and the ticket booth busy for almost half a century! Now every two bit act wants a piece of that classic American show, and horror of horrors, while we were busy dropping our piggy bank on the poor old snake charmer's head, the Chinese Opera raided the cookie jar and stole all our competitive brownies.
Perhaps, the only really new thing to say is 'HELP'! The new middle class is now all performing for big business shows in China or at your local MacDonald's. That is the new reality show no one wants to talk about! Oh well, circuses and tent preachers may not make us rich again, but they do make the news cycle a little more entertaining!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Confessions of a Closet Evangelical
OK. It is time to come out of the closet! Sorry folks, I'm not gay.... I'm Evangelical!! There I said it! I actually applied the 'E' word to me!
Now that all the Non-E's hate me too, I might as well tell the whole story. The truth is, no one wants to play my game. You see, I have also had a lifelong love affair with science and long ago jumped off the required social bandwagons. One result of these sins is that my Sunday morning congregation usually meets in my bed.
Life can be difficult when labels won't stick. If I say I'm an evangelical, people assume I love Perry and Bachmann, other guys avoid flirting with me, and conversations about global warming get rather testy. If I stay subtly secular, the assumptions quickly change. Now the people I meet assume I worship Stalin, nobody flirts with me, and the topic soon changes to the latest Greenpeace crusade (Yes, Virginia... they still exist!)
It is probably a safe bet that there are a lot of labels that are now 'sticky' challenged. The other day I saw several Jewish Republicans on CNN complaining to a gay, black anchor that Obama was being a poor friend to Israel. That was just a few days after several black congressional leaders suggested that their president was lining up just to the right of Ron Paul. I have also heard seniors suggest that health care must be reformed, a few unelectable Republicans defend evolution and global warming, and Tea Party supporters urge a level of compromise.
If this sticky crisis continues we may just live to see the Pope's Bar Mitzvah, a gay Tea Party caucus and witness a democratic president call for changes to entitlements...
What's that? Obama wants to re-do Medicare and Social Security? OMG we have finally reached stickygeddon! How can we live with out all those cute labels that fuel our petty prejudices and support our stupid assumptions. Imagine, we may have to start actually listening to other people and judging them on their own unique set of beliefs! Is that even possible?
Nah... too much work, too time consuming. Where are my sticky notes? Need more labels. Need more labels!!! Let's start with 'Rose Liberals' and 'Teal Tea Party Fans...'
Now that all the Non-E's hate me too, I might as well tell the whole story. The truth is, no one wants to play my game. You see, I have also had a lifelong love affair with science and long ago jumped off the required social bandwagons. One result of these sins is that my Sunday morning congregation usually meets in my bed.
Life can be difficult when labels won't stick. If I say I'm an evangelical, people assume I love Perry and Bachmann, other guys avoid flirting with me, and conversations about global warming get rather testy. If I stay subtly secular, the assumptions quickly change. Now the people I meet assume I worship Stalin, nobody flirts with me, and the topic soon changes to the latest Greenpeace crusade (Yes, Virginia... they still exist!)
It is probably a safe bet that there are a lot of labels that are now 'sticky' challenged. The other day I saw several Jewish Republicans on CNN complaining to a gay, black anchor that Obama was being a poor friend to Israel. That was just a few days after several black congressional leaders suggested that their president was lining up just to the right of Ron Paul. I have also heard seniors suggest that health care must be reformed, a few unelectable Republicans defend evolution and global warming, and Tea Party supporters urge a level of compromise.
If this sticky crisis continues we may just live to see the Pope's Bar Mitzvah, a gay Tea Party caucus and witness a democratic president call for changes to entitlements...
What's that? Obama wants to re-do Medicare and Social Security? OMG we have finally reached stickygeddon! How can we live with out all those cute labels that fuel our petty prejudices and support our stupid assumptions. Imagine, we may have to start actually listening to other people and judging them on their own unique set of beliefs! Is that even possible?
Nah... too much work, too time consuming. Where are my sticky notes? Need more labels. Need more labels!!! Let's start with 'Rose Liberals' and 'Teal Tea Party Fans...'
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Money for Nothing!
Today the US Treasury started selling hundreds of billions in Treasury Bills - granting you and me the great privilege of sticking all our cash in their lovely 'Safe Haven' for the next 10 years at a whopping 1.7%!!
Wait a minute? 1.7%? 10 years! Are they trying to tell me something?
Let's take a closer look. This means if I give Uncle Sam my spare million in pocket change, he's going to give me $17,000 a year ? No way, Sammy!
Guess I'll just have to invest in the market, thank you very much! (News Flash: The market closed down around 400 points today and is down 20% since April!)
OK, commodities? (Sorry, just tanked out and even coffee is cheap everywhere but Starbucks!)
Right, I know, I'll loan Uncle Ned that money he needs for a new mortgage. (What's that, dear? 'Uncle Ned just got fired and is house value has fallen from 200K to about a $1.99.')
Gold? (Falling like the rock!)
Bonds...maybe? (Just 2% if you're lucky, you say, and the good ones are long gone!)
So what to do with my extra change? Why would I loan to old Uncle Sammy? Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that S&P downgraded uncle's gold plated AAA+ credit score? Doesn't he owe 14+ TRILLION? Also, last I heard, his boys want to pay this gi-normous debt by spending even more money and, if I remember correctly, last month these same minions almost played 'My Way' all the way to default.
What to do? Seems you can't trust in anything these days! Or can you? Maybe it is time to set sail in my Aquarian (paid for, unsellable in this economy, and not big on fuel). I'll just cruise off into the sunset with a few dear friends, like a few hundred boxes 0f good wine (some vintages rose 20% last year), a quarter million cans of Spam (up 500% since my youth), and thee (always an invaluable safe haven)! Sound romantic?
Wait a minute? 1.7%? 10 years! Are they trying to tell me something?
Let's take a closer look. This means if I give Uncle Sam my spare million in pocket change, he's going to give me $17,000 a year ? No way, Sammy!
Guess I'll just have to invest in the market, thank you very much! (News Flash: The market closed down around 400 points today and is down 20% since April!)
OK, commodities? (Sorry, just tanked out and even coffee is cheap everywhere but Starbucks!)
Right, I know, I'll loan Uncle Ned that money he needs for a new mortgage. (What's that, dear? 'Uncle Ned just got fired and is house value has fallen from 200K to about a $1.99.')
Gold? (Falling like the rock!)
Bonds...maybe? (Just 2% if you're lucky, you say, and the good ones are long gone!)
So what to do with my extra change? Why would I loan to old Uncle Sammy? Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that S&P downgraded uncle's gold plated AAA+ credit score? Doesn't he owe 14+ TRILLION? Also, last I heard, his boys want to pay this gi-normous debt by spending even more money and, if I remember correctly, last month these same minions almost played 'My Way' all the way to default.
What to do? Seems you can't trust in anything these days! Or can you? Maybe it is time to set sail in my Aquarian (paid for, unsellable in this economy, and not big on fuel). I'll just cruise off into the sunset with a few dear friends, like a few hundred boxes 0f good wine (some vintages rose 20% last year), a quarter million cans of Spam (up 500% since my youth), and thee (always an invaluable safe haven)! Sound romantic?
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